And a picture of the night...

Jo (new VP), me (former VP) and Blaire (former President) at Formal. This is only pic taken of me that I think looks nice. I can look at myself and think I look good, but I can't see it in pics. :/

Hope you enjoy! Love you!

Getting Ready!

Have you seen High School Musical 3?! I LOVE it. Seriously. It makes my heart so happy, and I just love all the music and dancing and loooove, hehe.

Remember that song?? The prom song?! The one that goes:
"Guess now its official
Cant back out, cant back out (no)
Getting ready for the night of nights
The night of nights, alright
Dont Panic (Panic!)"

It's a great song!!!!!

Anyways, that's what I'm doing- getting ready for ASC FORMAL! I've never been to an ASC formal. In fact, this is my 4th formal dance ever. 1st was HS Homecoming, 2nd was HS Prom, 3rd was ASSIST formal freshman year, and now ASC Winter Formal senior year! Yay!

Anywho's I feel super cute today, which is not vain, it's the truth. :)
I'm about to head out for the night, but I just wanted to check into the blog. I will update with pics soon, no worries. I love you all so much!!!!!!!!

Another year older

"Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today
You get a little bit older
A little bit taller
A little bit better
A little bit
Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today
And the days before all go too fast
You can't hold on"

This song from a new musical called "13" (go check it out, it's amazing!) really hit me hard today. Today I am 22 years old. Today I have grown up a bit. Today was probably the worst birthday I have ever had.

Tell me, how many birthdays have YOU had? And on how many of those birthdays did you get NO presents from your parents? Yep, my dad did not get me a present for my birthday. He gave me a card, which he signed. Not even an "I'm proud of you" or "I can't believe how fast the time has gone" or any of the other sentimental crap that parents put into letters. Now, my "gift" this year was to go to a musical with my dad. Honestly, that is what i ask for every year because tickets to shows are expensive. BUT I usually get something small, like a book that I've been talking about, or a box of chocolate on the actual day of my birth. SOMETHING to show that he has thought about me. And that is what really breaks my heart. I just feel like he doesn't care about today at all. I know he loves me. I know that, alright? But I just need to be reminded. That is the kind of person I am. I need to take a love languages quiz and find out.

I miss my mom today soooo much. Four other birthdays have gone by and you think that I would be used to this by now. But I'm really not. She made days like this special. She thought of everything. Or maybe I think she thought of everything. Maybe if she was here today would feel just as lame as it does now.

THIS is why I hate being home. Because it makes me feel like complete and total crap. Because I just cry all the time and I am miserable. Because when I am back "home" in College Station, I have a purpose. I have people who love me and I have people to love.

So, here's to you 22nd birthday. May you end as soon as possible.

Hard Day

For the two people that frequent this blog in hopes of getting a cheerful update, well, expect one of your two requirement fulfilled.

I am having a horrible, very hard day, aside from the fact that I am in Dallas with three of the most precious babies in existence (my niece Cadence and my other niece and nephew Campbell and Colby).



Anyways, my life is not going the way I want it to. I may not get to student teach in the spring (very unlikely, but it may happen), and if I do I am a school which will eat me for breakfast. To top it all off, I am in love, absolute LOVE with my fifth grade class semester. I cry as I type this because I realize how much I will truly, truly miss them and care for them. They are fantastic- even when I have to fuss at them. :) I know that God knows what he is doing, but I can't for the life of me figure this out. I really wish my mom was here. I needed her today. My dad is great, as always, but his "solution" to things is to just accept it and shake it off. My mom would be like, "You're right. This sucks. Let's cry about it."

And if this day just hasn't been the pits, I left my pajama pants at home and have to sleep in jeans. *sob*

WORST. DAY. IN. A. LONGGGGGGGGGG. TIME. :(

Friendship

"A friend is a person who most of all cares about what you feel/ and nothing is harder than learning a friend isn't real"

It's been a tough semester for me. I have so much in my life to be thankul for, though! I have an amazing bible study that I am in at Grace. I LOVE teaching, and I can't think of any other place that I would rather be than the classroom. I have such a wonderful group of 2 year olds this year that it makes Sundays a JOY. Kristen works with me on Mondays and Saturdays, and God couldn't have blessed me with a more wondeful girl to spend my time with.

If my days should be so full of JOY, then why do I feel so lonely? Is it possible to feel joyful and not happy? I'm not really sure, but I know that I miss my friends from last year who were always so wonderful and so faithful. I have not been near the friend that I should be. It makes me wonder: what is the true defenition of a friend, and what does friendship really look like? I'll let you know.

But if you are reading this- you are important to me! I miss and desire your friendship!! And I love you. SO much!

Left Behind

I don't want to be Debby Downer... I don't want to post negative things. But sometimes I want to get my feelings out- to get my feelers out there to see if anyone knows what I'm going through.

College is college. It's the same old same old. I don't study when I need to. I do projects and papers last minute. I make friends with all my teachers and enjoy every minute of my classes like the dork I am. And I am ready for it all to be over. I'm ready to be a big girl and have a job. Can you believe that?? I want a job? I love love love going to the school and teaching! I can now tell that I was made to be a teacher- that God has called me to do this. I love making relationships with my students. I love loving on them, and laughing with them and investing myself in their lives. I want to cry just thinking about November 20th- my last day with them. I want to know right now where I'm going to be in August. I need to start praying about it now- I want all of the grace and wisdom the Lord can give me.

In other news, I now feel like Ms. Kelly the proffesional babysitter. :) I love that I get to spend so much time with so many amazing children and families from my church. Last night I babysat from 5 to 11 for this amazing family in my church that works with Campus Crusade. I told their mom that I would start doing little things with them for free. I just LOVE her kids. They are intelligent, and fun, and super sweet. They have some of the most sincere prayers I have ever heard. I was thinking when I was putting them to bad how I hoped I would be able to raise my kids to be like this. (If the Lord even had kids in my future...)

My heart is also hurting for fellowship. Fellowship with girlfriends, with older women, with family. I feel so needy, and that need almost becomes a crutch that I lean on. So I try to solve all my problems and deal with things by myself. I have really found myself in books and music, when I should be finding myself in the Lord and in my relationships with the Godly people in my life.

I am going to leave you with my favorite song from my favorite musical of the moment, Spring Awakening. I have row L, seat 12 for the sunday matinee in January in Houston. You bet I'm excited. :) I love you all so much. And Val, I love you the most! Always.

"The talks you never had, the saturdays you never spent.
All the 'grown-up' places you never went.
And all of the crying you wouldn't understand.
You just let him cry, 'make a man out of him.'"

Long time, no blog

I'm sure no one reads this, but in the off chance that you do and you have and you are, then thank you. I don't know how many people are really, truly interested in the life I lead and the thoughts I have, but it means a lot to me that you're here.

Well, a month has come and gone, and with it many changes. I am now a senior. This = scary! Im ready to graduate, but not really. I don't know what to feel. All I really know is that God is leading me to stay in College Station. This is where I need to be. I have no idea where my life is going from here, but I am excited.

I've started my methods semester, which means I am in a classroom 2 days a week. I am teaching at Cyprus Grove Elementary and I can honestly tell you that I love it so much. The school is wonderful, the kids are so much fun, my mentor teacher is a WONERFUL teacher and I am just having an overall amazing experience. I'm in a 5th grade English class. I know, perfect for me. This is the age that I LOVE. So yes, I am ready to be a teacher. Expect for the whole passing certification tests thing... ehhh

I've also been reading a LOT. But what else is new?! lol. My kids have really hooked me on some fun books and I really enjoy reading the same books they read. It makes me look at the world in a whole new way. I would recommend Suzanne Collins to anyone who likes kid fantasy books. I just finished her first Young Adult novel "The Hunger Games" and am in the 2nd book of her children's series "The Overland Chronicles".

I miss my old roommates. I was so comfortable with both of them. I could talk to them about anything. Now I'm not so sure...

I miss my mom. I've been dreaming about her a lot lately. I feel like I need her guidance more and more.

I'm still in ASC. I'm still VP. I feel completely drained. I feel inadequate. I feel like someone else could be doing my job better than me. But I also feel like this is where I need to be. I wish I could explain it better. My job is encouragement, but someone needs to encourage me. Anyways... yeah. I don't know where I was going.

I'm at Sweet Eugene's right now. I was going to do the little bit of homework I had left. I can't concentrate. I don't want to. I need a shower. I need a hug. I don't need a boyfriend... but I want one.

I will leave you for a bit. But blogging makes me feel better so I'm coming back.
Ok, that's all.

Love love love.