Friendship

"A friend is a person who most of all cares about what you feel/ and nothing is harder than learning a friend isn't real"

It's been a tough semester for me. I have so much in my life to be thankul for, though! I have an amazing bible study that I am in at Grace. I LOVE teaching, and I can't think of any other place that I would rather be than the classroom. I have such a wonderful group of 2 year olds this year that it makes Sundays a JOY. Kristen works with me on Mondays and Saturdays, and God couldn't have blessed me with a more wondeful girl to spend my time with.

If my days should be so full of JOY, then why do I feel so lonely? Is it possible to feel joyful and not happy? I'm not really sure, but I know that I miss my friends from last year who were always so wonderful and so faithful. I have not been near the friend that I should be. It makes me wonder: what is the true defenition of a friend, and what does friendship really look like? I'll let you know.

But if you are reading this- you are important to me! I miss and desire your friendship!! And I love you. SO much!

Left Behind

I don't want to be Debby Downer... I don't want to post negative things. But sometimes I want to get my feelings out- to get my feelers out there to see if anyone knows what I'm going through.

College is college. It's the same old same old. I don't study when I need to. I do projects and papers last minute. I make friends with all my teachers and enjoy every minute of my classes like the dork I am. And I am ready for it all to be over. I'm ready to be a big girl and have a job. Can you believe that?? I want a job? I love love love going to the school and teaching! I can now tell that I was made to be a teacher- that God has called me to do this. I love making relationships with my students. I love loving on them, and laughing with them and investing myself in their lives. I want to cry just thinking about November 20th- my last day with them. I want to know right now where I'm going to be in August. I need to start praying about it now- I want all of the grace and wisdom the Lord can give me.

In other news, I now feel like Ms. Kelly the proffesional babysitter. :) I love that I get to spend so much time with so many amazing children and families from my church. Last night I babysat from 5 to 11 for this amazing family in my church that works with Campus Crusade. I told their mom that I would start doing little things with them for free. I just LOVE her kids. They are intelligent, and fun, and super sweet. They have some of the most sincere prayers I have ever heard. I was thinking when I was putting them to bad how I hoped I would be able to raise my kids to be like this. (If the Lord even had kids in my future...)

My heart is also hurting for fellowship. Fellowship with girlfriends, with older women, with family. I feel so needy, and that need almost becomes a crutch that I lean on. So I try to solve all my problems and deal with things by myself. I have really found myself in books and music, when I should be finding myself in the Lord and in my relationships with the Godly people in my life.

I am going to leave you with my favorite song from my favorite musical of the moment, Spring Awakening. I have row L, seat 12 for the sunday matinee in January in Houston. You bet I'm excited. :) I love you all so much. And Val, I love you the most! Always.

"The talks you never had, the saturdays you never spent.
All the 'grown-up' places you never went.
And all of the crying you wouldn't understand.
You just let him cry, 'make a man out of him.'"

Long time, no blog

I'm sure no one reads this, but in the off chance that you do and you have and you are, then thank you. I don't know how many people are really, truly interested in the life I lead and the thoughts I have, but it means a lot to me that you're here.

Well, a month has come and gone, and with it many changes. I am now a senior. This = scary! Im ready to graduate, but not really. I don't know what to feel. All I really know is that God is leading me to stay in College Station. This is where I need to be. I have no idea where my life is going from here, but I am excited.

I've started my methods semester, which means I am in a classroom 2 days a week. I am teaching at Cyprus Grove Elementary and I can honestly tell you that I love it so much. The school is wonderful, the kids are so much fun, my mentor teacher is a WONERFUL teacher and I am just having an overall amazing experience. I'm in a 5th grade English class. I know, perfect for me. This is the age that I LOVE. So yes, I am ready to be a teacher. Expect for the whole passing certification tests thing... ehhh

I've also been reading a LOT. But what else is new?! lol. My kids have really hooked me on some fun books and I really enjoy reading the same books they read. It makes me look at the world in a whole new way. I would recommend Suzanne Collins to anyone who likes kid fantasy books. I just finished her first Young Adult novel "The Hunger Games" and am in the 2nd book of her children's series "The Overland Chronicles".

I miss my old roommates. I was so comfortable with both of them. I could talk to them about anything. Now I'm not so sure...

I miss my mom. I've been dreaming about her a lot lately. I feel like I need her guidance more and more.

I'm still in ASC. I'm still VP. I feel completely drained. I feel inadequate. I feel like someone else could be doing my job better than me. But I also feel like this is where I need to be. I wish I could explain it better. My job is encouragement, but someone needs to encourage me. Anyways... yeah. I don't know where I was going.

I'm at Sweet Eugene's right now. I was going to do the little bit of homework I had left. I can't concentrate. I don't want to. I need a shower. I need a hug. I don't need a boyfriend... but I want one.

I will leave you for a bit. But blogging makes me feel better so I'm coming back.
Ok, that's all.

Love love love.

Pure

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all i need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything.

I run to you
My heart is weak
I cling to you
Your all i see
It's my hearts desire
To be close to you
Here in your arms
I'll find my strength.

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all i need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything.

I run to you
My heart is weak
I cling to you
Your all i see
It's my hearts desire
To be close to you
Here in your arms
I'll find my strength

Regression

I have regressed

I am ashamed

I have pulled and pulled my hair out these past few weeks... all the hard work I have done to grow it back, and I have pulled all of it out. I now have a bald patch on my head the size of a half dollar (at least that's what it looks like to me)

And the thing is... I don't know why

Why?! I have no good reason. I am not in mourning for my dead mother. I am not overly stressed. For God's sake, school hasn't even started yet. Yet I find myself needing to pull... craving the pain

I need help. I need you God. I need to know the reasons I keep massacring myself. I need a good reason. I need to stop. I need to cry.

HELP

I don't want to hurt myself anymore... but I can't stop. Help me...

All That's Known

http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Video.aspx?ci=569822

This is a video of the newest cast member of the most AMAZING show on Broadway right now called Spring Awakening. It's a very grown-up show, so unless you understand theatre and can appreciate the art, I don't know if you would really like it. The tour is coming to Houston in January, and I am buying myself a ticket when tickets come out, which I think is sometime in September. I do not want to go alone, but I can't find anyone to go with me, so this will be the first show I see solo. And I know I am going to LOVE every minute of it.

If you like this clip, and you want to hear more, just YouTube the show and LOTS of things will pop up. Lots of GOOD things. Or, I can make you a copy of the soundtrack. Or, you could say, 'Hey Kelly, I think I want to see it with you, and I am willing to pay for my own ticket because I know that you are not in your job for the money and that money is scarce for you right now and this is the only show that you have ever bought yourself a ticket for so you are going to buy one of the best seats so if I want to go with you I will have pay top dollar to see something that is this amazing and I won't be disappointed because you have excellent taste".

So yes. Please. Become obsessed with all things Spring Awakening. And I warned you hear first- it's a mature show. But I love it anyways. :)

Old Memories Revisited

Do you know what i love?? YouTube. It is such a fantastic site, and I have relived some extremly happy memories!! :)

Here is one for your viewing pleasure. Please tell me you remember this one, and that you loved it as much as I did!! If you enjoy it, follow it up with the rest of the episodes!! I will be ordering it on DVD soon, that's how much I love it. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U56JVk_I0w&feature=related

:)