I am sitting in my newly aquired classroom staring at the blank walls. There is nothing sadder than stark white walls and nothing else. It's sad- pathetically sad- that I have nothing to hang on them.
I have no classroom rules. I have no procedures. I have no posters. I have no pictures. I have no student work (I guess because I have no students). I sigh from the boredom of it all.
I am scared. No, more than scared, I am petrified. What are my kids going to think when they walk into my classroom and see that it is empty? What will I do when 25 pairs of eyes turn to stare at me and look to me for guidance and direction? What's going to happen when I get to a point in my lesson where I am just stuck? I have no answer to a students question. No one to look to to pull out a sheet and go, here ya go... just read it off of here!
... what were they thinking sending me into a classroom at 22 years old? I am only 9 years older than most of my kids... I was 9 years old when they were born. Did God look at me, a pathetic nine year old with badly cut hair and messed up teeth and an attention seeking disposition and go, "Ah... Kelly. I think there are some children that are going to be born this year that I think you should teach when you get older. I think this suits you so well."
Umm... really God?? Because I don't feel well suited. I feel terrified! I'm not ready for this! I'm not ready to be a teacher or to grow up. Maybe I should go for a masters degree or a second major. Any excuse for me to stay in college.
I feel as naked as my classroom. I am vulnerable to everything. I'm waiting for someone to bring me that first day of school outfit. To say ok, here are points A B and C... now make sure you have those covered and you will be fine.
... ok, whatever you say.
Birthday Reflections
12 years ago
