The Year in Review

Here is my year in review:


January: I start the year out with only one roomie instead of two. :( Ash moves back home to student teach. Val and I begin to really get to know each other. Start out my year as ASC VP.

February - April: Anything? Anybody? No?...

May: Study Abroad in Switzerland. AMAZING! I was a homesick basket case, though, so it's no big surprise that I didn't make any "best friends" on this trip.

June: Have to miss Ash's wedding for a "cousins" wedding. Longest car ride of my life.

Val gets married. Go the wrong way for, like, 20 minutes and go 80 down the freeway so that I can make it just in time. She was beautiful!!

July: Summer School at A&M. I almost die from Statistics. Computer is stolen... pretty darn suckish. Thanks robbers- thanks a lot.

August: I am finally a SENIOR! WHOOP! Get OBSESSED with all things Beijing Olympics. Watch Michael Phelps make history! I can't believe I have to wait another 4 years.

September: Start my Method's semester at Cypress Grove Intermediate, 5th grade English. I left my heart with those children. Aggie Ring Day! Get my picture on the front page of the Bryan Eagle. Go to the ER for the first time in my life. Just a ulcer... no biggie. :)

October: The twins are born!! October 6th we welcome Campbell and Colby into our family.

November: Elephant Walk. Didn't walk- just took my pic with some pretty awesome elephants. Thanksgiving. I turn 22.

December: Banquet out of ASC. Best 2 1/2 years of college! Go to my first ASC formal and LOVE it. Christmas roles around.

Well. What do you think? Was it a good year? Did I miss anything important? :)

2008 has been fun but I can't help but think that 2009 has some wonderful things in store for me!! Have a Happy New Year all!

The TRUE meaning of Christmas?

I have been absent from the blog world for a while lately because of many things... but mainly because I haven't had anything important to say. Christmas put me in a funk- like I feel like it always does. I try to remind myself at the end of every Christmas that I need to spend the next one being more appreciative, more loving, more than what I really am. And I always end up bitter and crabby and a little frustrated.

Let me start off by saying that my family is wonderful, but also a little frustrating. Just a little. I may have blogged about this before, or told you about this before, but my dad and siblings and I (and my mom) are the only strong Christians in our family. If you asked anyone in my family if they were going to heaven when they die they would say Yes, but if you asked them why... they couldn't tell you. And that breaks my heart. But it shows up so much in their daily lives. In what they spend their time on, their money on, their priorities on. The first thing they say to me on Christmas morning is, "What did you get for Christmas?!" Now, I will be the first to admit, I love presents. I thinking gift giving is the love language that appeals to me the most, because gifts really show how much people care about you. The more heartfelt, homemade, personal, thoughtful the better. I don't need flashy bells and whistles. It just kind of throws Christmas into this commercial holiday when that's all people want to hear about. JESUS was born on Christmas day. He came into this world just so he could die for us. It was the best gift we have ever been given. I skim over this detail too a lot of the time. But this year, it was important for me to remember this fact.

Now- present wise, I didn't do too bad if you look at different sides of the gift giving spectrum. First, my dad has a tough time with gift giving. It was my mom's job. But he did really well. He got me some cute PJ's, a beautiful teacher outfit (though the pants were a tad big- but I AM excited that I am no longer a size 10!), a purple sweater and a Point of Grace CD collection. He did so well.

My grandmother wanted to get me teacher supplies for Christmas. :) Awww. She got me an electric pencil sharpener, a tape dispenser, pencils (the yellow kind), and highlighters. lol My dad and I just die laughing, but she was so sweet in thinking about me like that. All of that really will come in handy, and I will think of her every time I sharpen a pencil and get a piece of tape.

My aunt... well, she has the best of intentions but they just fall short. She fills my stocking now that my mom is gone, but she stinks at it. No chocolate. :( Fuzzy socks... which I don't ever wear, but yet always get. Soap... yes, bars of soap. Why? Do I stink? And the soap doesn't even smell good. *sigh* and then gifts- I get "matching" gifts with my cousin. Why?!?!?!?!?!?! Are we still 5? It doesn't matter. And the matching gifts aren't even cute. Yuck. I want people to surprise me, but from now I am making a list... you can follow the list, or just donate the money you would be spending on me to charity.

My brother and sister did great. I got a double boiler (for melting chocolate) from my brother and his wife, and an Astros jersey for my sister! The latter was a HUGE surprise... I didn't think I'd ever get one, but I've always wanted one. And whose Jersey is it??

Yes, the gorgeous Hunter Pence. :) My sister did AMAZING this year. But then again, she always does.
Even my dad's girlfriend did well- a 50$ gift card to Kelly's "heaven on earth". Barnes. Sigh. Thank you!! Someone finally listened to me. Oh, and did I mention I am now a MEMBER of B&N? Yes!

Today my dad and I went and got me a new size in pants and then exchanged my phone for a new one. I will miss my old little mini brick, but now I have a purple phone. It's true! But what is even more amazing is that I have found the most AMAZING website for ringtones. I will share it with you- but you will hate me because you will be addicted now. http://www.pisamba.com

You can download your own songs from your computer, edit them to the part you want, and then send them to your phone. Ooo! I know. It's exciting!

We went to Dallas this weekend. I got to hold my sweet babies. I got lots of sweet baby smiles. I felt torn in two the whole time. Part of me was in Dallas but a bigger part wanted to be here so that I could see Val. She hasn't returned my texts, voicemails or fbook messages, but if she is reading- I am so sorry. I have missed you and I love you and it was not fair to you that I didn't tell you what my weekend plans were or that I didn't call sooner. Please forgive me. :(

Today was good. My sister and brother in law and nieces came over to have dinner and Christmas. Avery is 6 and already reads AMAZINGLY well. She may have enough attitude to keep up my middle schoolers, but she is so funny and sweet (when she wants to be). Ashley is a mess and a half. She's been lieing a lot- like, a lot. And she needs a few good spankings. But I love her. How can you not? Riley, my dog, threw up 3 times today. I'm not really sure what is wrong. Just an upset tummy, I hope. He's been super cuddly and in my lap a lot today, which I guess means he really is a sick puppy.

I'm going back to CS on Thursday. I will be meeting my new teacher on Friday for a few hours to talk about Monday and this semester. I think this will make me feel a lot better about everything. And with my new EZ Grader, I now feel ready to face the world. Well, not really, but I really do love that EZ Grader. :) I set up a teacher blog too, so I will be double blogging from now on, I guess. The address is: msmccreery.blogpot.com

Go check me out. :)

Well, I am off to bed for the night. I love you all! Thank you for keeping up with my life. You are all so wonderful and incredibly important to me.

-KelBel

PS: Does anyone know someone who may want to take some pics of me that I can send off as graduation pics? I can't pay a lot (or any really... if we're being honest), but I would love for someone to help me with pics. Even if you take them with my camera. :)

This is how I feel

I'm a little like Charlie Brown today... "Good Grief!"

Midnight Musings

Ok, being at home suuuuuuucks. I need College Station, where I feel comfortable and in my element. I need my friends who can always pull me out of my slump. I need the accountability that is provided to me through ASC, and my amazing WIL Group and Grace on a weekly if not daily basis. I have fallen into bad habits, which had started back in CS and which need to end immediantly, and bad thoughts, which seem to plauge me more and more as I venture home.

Today, I was facebook "chat attacked" by a girl I went to high school with- we will call her B. B and I were friends to a degree, but I was a certain person when I was with her that I am ashamed to admit to being. Thinking about it sends me on a guilt trip down the river of denial, which is how I always feel, but never mind that.
Anyways, B asked me about school and I told her about graduation coming up in May and getting to student teach. She asked me if I was going to teach when I got out of school, and I was like... umm, duh, of course. Aren't you? I asked, because she wants to be a teacher as well. And her response to me? Oh, not right away, I want to have a baby first. Now, granted, she JUST got married- maybe a month ago- though I guess if B reads my blog she can correct me if I am wrong. But I was slightly taken aback. A baby?! A real one? Like, one you have to keep and raise and have call you Mom? One that spits up and poops, and then eventually learns to talk and yells things like NO and GO AWAY and then eventually ignores you and belittles you because all kids think they are cooler than their parents and then eventually leaves, while along the way making good and bad descisions, partly based on what you, as the parent, were expected to teach them? THAT kind of kid?
Whew- I am so not ready for that responsibility. (Though if you know me- you know my desire to be a parent ONE day- not now though). Now, no offense at all meant to B. Everyone has a calling in life. She may be a great mom right now. I just know that isn't something that I can handle at this point in my life.

And then she asks me the few questions that I have been dreading anyone from my past ask me.
1) Do you have a boyfriend?
Answer: Nope
Should have been my answer: Can you not see my status on facebook? Does the big flashing SINGLE sign not clue you in? And if I WAS in a relationship, wouldn't he be writing cute little love notes on my fbook wall and have a whole album dedicated to him??? (Which, I actually have no idea if that would actually happen- but it's something I wouldn't put past myself.)

2) Have you ever had a boyfriend?
Answer: lol. nope.
Should have been my answer: *sob* Does that answer your question?

3) Why?
Answer: I guess my standards are too high?! Not really sure. It's just not my time yet. He's there somewhere.
Sould have been my answer: .... are you kidding me? You don't say one word to me for maybe four years- including when my mom died- and now you expect me to divulge my innermost thoughts to you? HA!

4) So... did you ever get your first kiss before you graduated?
Answer: No. I don't want to force it. I want it to be with the right person for all the right reasons because I want it to actually mean something- not just because it's to complete a goal.
Should have been my answer: Exactly that. :)

I HATE thinking about the future- but that's what happens to me when I am at home. I wonder if I will ever find this boy- who will love and cherish me and see all the good in me that I still don't see in myself. Who will look at me with the love I have always desired and been afraid of. Who will seek the Lord's guidance in persuing me. Who will propose to me and kiss me like I have always dreamed about. Gaggggggg.... I'm grossing myself out.

Now- I know what you are thinking. Kelly- you are 22! Don't rush it!
I know- ok. I was there when I was born. I know how long I've been alive. But my greatest fear in the whole world is that I will die before I ever get the chance to know what true love looks like. We loose our desires in heaven because our only desire is to be in the presence of the Lord. And as wonderful as that is (and I say this with sincerity), I just wish I could experience all the earthly desires of my heart... selfish selfish girl. I know.

Ok, so I now think that facebook chat is now a tool of the devil. I can not believe these thoughts are in my head and verbalizing themselves into meaningless words on a computer screen.

If you are reading this- I miss you. I love you. I wish you were here. I need all your hugs and love and for you to fuss at me and to tell me to snap out of it. I can't wait to see you all soon!!!!

My heart is hurting

I found out today that a little girl in the Cypress Fairbanks area of Houston was hit by a drunk driver on Tuesday. She died yesterday around 7pm. Look at this face. She was 13 years old. She liked to draw and she liked art. She loved life. Christmas is in 7 days. And the man that killed her doesn't even care.

I have never hurt so much for someone I have never known before. I truly hope that God is taking care of Nicole. And I hope that this man, whoever he is, sees how senseless his actions are. I will never, ever want to pass a school bus, or to speed through a school zone. How, how sad.

Broadway Blog Tuesday!

Ok, so to go along with my obsession with all things Broadway, I am devoting my blog to Broadway on Tuesdays! Oh yay! I'll pick a new song, or musical, or performer to highlight. It's going to be way fun!

And the first musical of our series is currently my new favorite entitled: 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Synopsis: Evan Goldman has it all: He's popular, has the “perfect” family and lives in the world’s greatest city — New York. When his parents get divorced, he's forced to move with his Mom…to Indiana. Uprooted from his old life, he must maneuver his way through the minefield of high school to become part of the in crowd. 13 is a high-energy musical about growing up, dealing with change and learning that becoming who you want to be starts with discovering who you are.

I LOVE 13! It's fantabulous! What is awesome about it is that it is the ONLY show EVER to have an entire teenage cast and teenage band- no adults at ALL! Wow! What an accomplishment! And so fantastic!

Here are some of my favorite songs (but I secretly love them all!):

It Can't Be True: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgXgnh_HTnQ

- "Holy macaroni!" this song is always stuck in my head

Bad, Bad News: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4nPHo2mIi8&feature=related

- "he fell for a slut with a fabulous butt"; yes, i love this song!

What It Means to Be a Friend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRKHzZyISqc

- this is Allie, who plays Patrice, performing the song live! She is GREAT, isn't she?!

Now, no lie, you can listen to the whole CD on YouTube. I do it all the time, and I LOVE it! It's so much fun!

Sadly, this show is closing on Broadway on January 4th. :( The economy SUCKS right now. BUT- it may get a national tour, and if it does, expect me to Blog about getting to go see it! Yay!

Adoption IS the option!

No no... I am not pregnant. (how would THAT have happened?!) But I have been thinking about this for a while...

To adopt or not to adopt? I know, I can't believe I am already thinking about this, but I have the strongest pull in my heart to adopt. I may be single, 22 and in no way ready to be a mom, but I feel in my heart that adoption is for me. I have been so moved by adoption stories of other families out there. I want to share with you two of the stories that have affected me as of late.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK4AsmTiPes

I wish there was a way I could post the video onto this blog for you to see. But go to YouTube and check it out. You won't be disappointed that you did. Have you ever seen a more beautiful smile?!

http://blessingsfromethiopia.blogspot.com/

I have been so blessed from reading about this family. What amazing things they are doing through adoption!! I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

I have a little boy in my Sunday school class named Chance. He is probably one of the cutest little boys I have ever seen in my entire life. He is my buddy. You should just see the smile on his face when he sees me on Sunday mornings. My heart breaks that I won't be there for a few weeks! I need to get a pic of this little boy for you. But the reason I am mentioning Chance is that he is adopted. You can't tell. His mommy and daddy are HIS mommy and daddy and he will talk your ear about them. He loves them. He has so much love to give. Now imagine a child in an orphanage, anywhere really, who has all this love to give but has no one to give it to. It breaks my heart to think about all the children I want to wrap my arms around and bring home with me. I truly hope that if God has chosen for me to have a husband that his heart is in the same place that mine seems to have been in the past few months.

Are you called to adopt? Have you ever thought about it before? It is not an easy task and it is not a cheap one. Check out that blog link up there if you don't believe me. But what a beautiful picture it paints for us of God's love. We were orphans, and God pulled us out and called us His own. He loves us like NO ONE can ever love us. To give a child even a tenth of that love would be such an honor, and to introduce them to life filled with Jesus would be the best gift you could give them.

I'm not sure why I felt so moved to give you this little soap box about adoption. I truly don't know a lot of what goes into it, the emotional stress, the pain, the joy, the financial strain it places on a family. BUT- I know what I have seen, and what I have seen is beautiful. :)

What to do when it's FREEZING outside?!

Well, it may ne no surprise to you, but as it was snowing up a storm in College Station, all we had was sleet here in the old SL. Blech. My dad called and was like, "Is it snowing? Someone at my office told me it was snowing?" So I truged outside, and what did I see?? It was sleet. Nasty, disgusting and dirty ice. I was all disgruntled as I came back inside where it was nice and warm. And what to my wandering eyes should I see but a bunch of crazy kids screaming about the "snow". Liars! I wanted to scream. But I didn't. TO nice, I guess.

I went out this morning after watching three hours of CSI. I know, you get started and you just can't stop. I wanted to go raid Half Price... but I was sooo disappointed. They had NOTHING. At all. It was so sad. I left with my spirit a fractured. So I went to Barnes to see if they'd gotten the cast recording of 13, a new musical. But no. It wasn't there. Which was kind of in the back of mind, but I did think I might find it. Darn.


But, I did have some good news. I found the newest book in the Once Upon a Time Series: Belle. Yay! I can't wait to read it. It sounds amazing!



But, I can't read it yet. I am finishing up A Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult. Woo. It is excellent. Then, everything she writes is wonderful! I love love love everything she has written. Go pick this up, it is a book you won't want to put down.

A little update

Here is my little Christmas update! Yay for Christmas! And yay for making my blog look WAY cuter than before. :)

And a picture of the night...

Jo (new VP), me (former VP) and Blaire (former President) at Formal. This is only pic taken of me that I think looks nice. I can look at myself and think I look good, but I can't see it in pics. :/

Hope you enjoy! Love you!

Getting Ready!

Have you seen High School Musical 3?! I LOVE it. Seriously. It makes my heart so happy, and I just love all the music and dancing and loooove, hehe.

Remember that song?? The prom song?! The one that goes:
"Guess now its official
Cant back out, cant back out (no)
Getting ready for the night of nights
The night of nights, alright
Dont Panic (Panic!)"

It's a great song!!!!!

Anyways, that's what I'm doing- getting ready for ASC FORMAL! I've never been to an ASC formal. In fact, this is my 4th formal dance ever. 1st was HS Homecoming, 2nd was HS Prom, 3rd was ASSIST formal freshman year, and now ASC Winter Formal senior year! Yay!

Anywho's I feel super cute today, which is not vain, it's the truth. :)
I'm about to head out for the night, but I just wanted to check into the blog. I will update with pics soon, no worries. I love you all so much!!!!!!!!

Another year older

"Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today
You get a little bit older
A little bit taller
A little bit better
A little bit
Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today
And the days before all go too fast
You can't hold on"

This song from a new musical called "13" (go check it out, it's amazing!) really hit me hard today. Today I am 22 years old. Today I have grown up a bit. Today was probably the worst birthday I have ever had.

Tell me, how many birthdays have YOU had? And on how many of those birthdays did you get NO presents from your parents? Yep, my dad did not get me a present for my birthday. He gave me a card, which he signed. Not even an "I'm proud of you" or "I can't believe how fast the time has gone" or any of the other sentimental crap that parents put into letters. Now, my "gift" this year was to go to a musical with my dad. Honestly, that is what i ask for every year because tickets to shows are expensive. BUT I usually get something small, like a book that I've been talking about, or a box of chocolate on the actual day of my birth. SOMETHING to show that he has thought about me. And that is what really breaks my heart. I just feel like he doesn't care about today at all. I know he loves me. I know that, alright? But I just need to be reminded. That is the kind of person I am. I need to take a love languages quiz and find out.

I miss my mom today soooo much. Four other birthdays have gone by and you think that I would be used to this by now. But I'm really not. She made days like this special. She thought of everything. Or maybe I think she thought of everything. Maybe if she was here today would feel just as lame as it does now.

THIS is why I hate being home. Because it makes me feel like complete and total crap. Because I just cry all the time and I am miserable. Because when I am back "home" in College Station, I have a purpose. I have people who love me and I have people to love.

So, here's to you 22nd birthday. May you end as soon as possible.

Hard Day

For the two people that frequent this blog in hopes of getting a cheerful update, well, expect one of your two requirement fulfilled.

I am having a horrible, very hard day, aside from the fact that I am in Dallas with three of the most precious babies in existence (my niece Cadence and my other niece and nephew Campbell and Colby).



Anyways, my life is not going the way I want it to. I may not get to student teach in the spring (very unlikely, but it may happen), and if I do I am a school which will eat me for breakfast. To top it all off, I am in love, absolute LOVE with my fifth grade class semester. I cry as I type this because I realize how much I will truly, truly miss them and care for them. They are fantastic- even when I have to fuss at them. :) I know that God knows what he is doing, but I can't for the life of me figure this out. I really wish my mom was here. I needed her today. My dad is great, as always, but his "solution" to things is to just accept it and shake it off. My mom would be like, "You're right. This sucks. Let's cry about it."

And if this day just hasn't been the pits, I left my pajama pants at home and have to sleep in jeans. *sob*

WORST. DAY. IN. A. LONGGGGGGGGGG. TIME. :(

Friendship

"A friend is a person who most of all cares about what you feel/ and nothing is harder than learning a friend isn't real"

It's been a tough semester for me. I have so much in my life to be thankul for, though! I have an amazing bible study that I am in at Grace. I LOVE teaching, and I can't think of any other place that I would rather be than the classroom. I have such a wonderful group of 2 year olds this year that it makes Sundays a JOY. Kristen works with me on Mondays and Saturdays, and God couldn't have blessed me with a more wondeful girl to spend my time with.

If my days should be so full of JOY, then why do I feel so lonely? Is it possible to feel joyful and not happy? I'm not really sure, but I know that I miss my friends from last year who were always so wonderful and so faithful. I have not been near the friend that I should be. It makes me wonder: what is the true defenition of a friend, and what does friendship really look like? I'll let you know.

But if you are reading this- you are important to me! I miss and desire your friendship!! And I love you. SO much!

Left Behind

I don't want to be Debby Downer... I don't want to post negative things. But sometimes I want to get my feelings out- to get my feelers out there to see if anyone knows what I'm going through.

College is college. It's the same old same old. I don't study when I need to. I do projects and papers last minute. I make friends with all my teachers and enjoy every minute of my classes like the dork I am. And I am ready for it all to be over. I'm ready to be a big girl and have a job. Can you believe that?? I want a job? I love love love going to the school and teaching! I can now tell that I was made to be a teacher- that God has called me to do this. I love making relationships with my students. I love loving on them, and laughing with them and investing myself in their lives. I want to cry just thinking about November 20th- my last day with them. I want to know right now where I'm going to be in August. I need to start praying about it now- I want all of the grace and wisdom the Lord can give me.

In other news, I now feel like Ms. Kelly the proffesional babysitter. :) I love that I get to spend so much time with so many amazing children and families from my church. Last night I babysat from 5 to 11 for this amazing family in my church that works with Campus Crusade. I told their mom that I would start doing little things with them for free. I just LOVE her kids. They are intelligent, and fun, and super sweet. They have some of the most sincere prayers I have ever heard. I was thinking when I was putting them to bad how I hoped I would be able to raise my kids to be like this. (If the Lord even had kids in my future...)

My heart is also hurting for fellowship. Fellowship with girlfriends, with older women, with family. I feel so needy, and that need almost becomes a crutch that I lean on. So I try to solve all my problems and deal with things by myself. I have really found myself in books and music, when I should be finding myself in the Lord and in my relationships with the Godly people in my life.

I am going to leave you with my favorite song from my favorite musical of the moment, Spring Awakening. I have row L, seat 12 for the sunday matinee in January in Houston. You bet I'm excited. :) I love you all so much. And Val, I love you the most! Always.

"The talks you never had, the saturdays you never spent.
All the 'grown-up' places you never went.
And all of the crying you wouldn't understand.
You just let him cry, 'make a man out of him.'"

Long time, no blog

I'm sure no one reads this, but in the off chance that you do and you have and you are, then thank you. I don't know how many people are really, truly interested in the life I lead and the thoughts I have, but it means a lot to me that you're here.

Well, a month has come and gone, and with it many changes. I am now a senior. This = scary! Im ready to graduate, but not really. I don't know what to feel. All I really know is that God is leading me to stay in College Station. This is where I need to be. I have no idea where my life is going from here, but I am excited.

I've started my methods semester, which means I am in a classroom 2 days a week. I am teaching at Cyprus Grove Elementary and I can honestly tell you that I love it so much. The school is wonderful, the kids are so much fun, my mentor teacher is a WONERFUL teacher and I am just having an overall amazing experience. I'm in a 5th grade English class. I know, perfect for me. This is the age that I LOVE. So yes, I am ready to be a teacher. Expect for the whole passing certification tests thing... ehhh

I've also been reading a LOT. But what else is new?! lol. My kids have really hooked me on some fun books and I really enjoy reading the same books they read. It makes me look at the world in a whole new way. I would recommend Suzanne Collins to anyone who likes kid fantasy books. I just finished her first Young Adult novel "The Hunger Games" and am in the 2nd book of her children's series "The Overland Chronicles".

I miss my old roommates. I was so comfortable with both of them. I could talk to them about anything. Now I'm not so sure...

I miss my mom. I've been dreaming about her a lot lately. I feel like I need her guidance more and more.

I'm still in ASC. I'm still VP. I feel completely drained. I feel inadequate. I feel like someone else could be doing my job better than me. But I also feel like this is where I need to be. I wish I could explain it better. My job is encouragement, but someone needs to encourage me. Anyways... yeah. I don't know where I was going.

I'm at Sweet Eugene's right now. I was going to do the little bit of homework I had left. I can't concentrate. I don't want to. I need a shower. I need a hug. I don't need a boyfriend... but I want one.

I will leave you for a bit. But blogging makes me feel better so I'm coming back.
Ok, that's all.

Love love love.

Pure

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all i need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything.

I run to you
My heart is weak
I cling to you
Your all i see
It's my hearts desire
To be close to you
Here in your arms
I'll find my strength.

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all i need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything.

I run to you
My heart is weak
I cling to you
Your all i see
It's my hearts desire
To be close to you
Here in your arms
I'll find my strength

Regression

I have regressed

I am ashamed

I have pulled and pulled my hair out these past few weeks... all the hard work I have done to grow it back, and I have pulled all of it out. I now have a bald patch on my head the size of a half dollar (at least that's what it looks like to me)

And the thing is... I don't know why

Why?! I have no good reason. I am not in mourning for my dead mother. I am not overly stressed. For God's sake, school hasn't even started yet. Yet I find myself needing to pull... craving the pain

I need help. I need you God. I need to know the reasons I keep massacring myself. I need a good reason. I need to stop. I need to cry.

HELP

I don't want to hurt myself anymore... but I can't stop. Help me...

All That's Known

http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Video.aspx?ci=569822

This is a video of the newest cast member of the most AMAZING show on Broadway right now called Spring Awakening. It's a very grown-up show, so unless you understand theatre and can appreciate the art, I don't know if you would really like it. The tour is coming to Houston in January, and I am buying myself a ticket when tickets come out, which I think is sometime in September. I do not want to go alone, but I can't find anyone to go with me, so this will be the first show I see solo. And I know I am going to LOVE every minute of it.

If you like this clip, and you want to hear more, just YouTube the show and LOTS of things will pop up. Lots of GOOD things. Or, I can make you a copy of the soundtrack. Or, you could say, 'Hey Kelly, I think I want to see it with you, and I am willing to pay for my own ticket because I know that you are not in your job for the money and that money is scarce for you right now and this is the only show that you have ever bought yourself a ticket for so you are going to buy one of the best seats so if I want to go with you I will have pay top dollar to see something that is this amazing and I won't be disappointed because you have excellent taste".

So yes. Please. Become obsessed with all things Spring Awakening. And I warned you hear first- it's a mature show. But I love it anyways. :)

Old Memories Revisited

Do you know what i love?? YouTube. It is such a fantastic site, and I have relived some extremly happy memories!! :)

Here is one for your viewing pleasure. Please tell me you remember this one, and that you loved it as much as I did!! If you enjoy it, follow it up with the rest of the episodes!! I will be ordering it on DVD soon, that's how much I love it. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U56JVk_I0w&feature=related

:)

Holy Cow

I know... I don't want to talk about it... unreal.

Over the River and Through the Woods

I have meant to update this blog with some great bits of home trivia. But a lot has happened recently, and so I have been a little bitty bit preoccupied.

Right now I am in Lake Jackson (about an hour from Sugar Land) visiting with my grandparents. I'm only staying til tomorrow afternoon, but it has just occured to me that they may not know that. :/ So, after dinner I will drop the bomb... they hate it when I leave. I know it's because I'm the only link they have left of my mom. They miss her more than I do, I think. Sometimes. I miss her a lot, though.

Anyways, at least they feed me good. Grandma hasn't made any cracks about my weight yet, though I may be speaking too soon. She loves to tell me how "pudgy" I've gotten. I'll admit, I'm not a size 4 anymore, but then again, most people told me I looked too skinny to begin with. I have tried to lose some weight, to get back to my former glory days of high school. But, that hasn't gone so well.

An update to the last post- I did fine on my final exam. Surprisingly. It scared me because I really saw the finality of a final exam. There was no more room for error. You either made it or you didn't. I needed a 60 to make a 69.7 in the class, which I was assured by many people would be curved to a C. And guess what? I made EXACTLY a 60. Pretty scary. My dad isn't sure it's going to be enough. I just role my eyes at him. He can be so pessimistic sometimes. My grandpa says that it's not the grade that matters, just that you pass the class. In this case, he is exactly right. But, final grades will be posted sometime next week, so unitl then I have to sit here with my stomach full of knots, waiting for my results.

And as long as we are updating- remember my post on singleness? Well, if you couldn't tell, since I posted it, it had been on mind a lot. So Tuesday night I completely lost it. I cried more than I have ever cried before. Over a BOY. A boy that I haven't even met yet. A boy that I don't even know for sure exists!! It was a scary thing for me. But I do have such wonderful friends! Hannah, for letting me explode all over the phone. I love you Hannah-bell! And Jamie and Emily, who sat with me for over an hour pulling out scriptures and hugging me and reassuring me. We even stopped studying stat- not that that was difficult. I am now no longer an emotional wreak, but then again I haven't really talked seriously about it to anyone yet, so I don't know how I'm really feeling.

I feel like I always think about my old friends whenever I come back to Sugar Land. I wonder how they are doing and what their lives are like. I wonder if they've changed at all. I wonder if they ever think about me, when I feel like I think about them all the time. (By the way, I just typed that sentence withOUT looking at the keys!! YAY!) I miss high school sometimes. I get nostalgic for it. It was so easy. And stress free. It was one of the best times of my life, looking back on it now.

So, with that, I bid you farewell from Lake Jackson, the land of enchantment (their saying, not mine). I will be back, as a LOT is happening this coming week. Trips to the zoo, packing for school, visiting Ryan and the gang in Dallas (yay twins!). Sooooo. Yeah. Exciting.

I love you oh faithful blog reader, who rejoices with me in triumphs and cries with me in my sorrows. You know who you are. And I love you. A lot. :)

I have a test in 1 hour and 40 minutes

I want to throw up all over myself...

That would make me feel better.

I am horrible at statistics.

I am horrible at studying.

I feel like my life is depending on today (even though it's not)

I am emotional. I have crying about everything for the past 2 days...

I will write more when I'm not such a nut job

Being single

I feel like this is a long time coming sort of entry, but I wanted to kind of express the things that have been going through my mind these past few days. As you know based on my last post, I got a new book that I have just devoured in the past few days. I can not describe it to you, as it entirely too complex and my hope is that you will want to read it for yourself, but I will say that this last book got me thinking about relationships a lot. About what it means to be in a relationship, about what love is and about what it means to be in love. I know that this is ridiculous, that this book of fiction, that had no semblance towards the life that we lead what so ever could make me feel this way.
But I was sitting in church on Sunday and it just kind of hit me all of a sudden. It's like, I'm supposed to want all of this. It's a natural feeling. It's normal to feel fluttery when reading about love, about the way a boy wraps his arms a girl, about a kiss and so on... you get what I'm talking about. I realized that it's ok to want these things. But I can not will them to happen. I can't force love into my life. That's not how it works. In books, for example, the girl never goes looking for love... it simply finds her. It's creeps into her life, unsuspecting, and knocks her off her feet. Just like that.

But my life isn't a book, and I do realize that. I know that God has picked out a plan for my life- he has given me the option of different paths to choose, and I have made this choice.

So I sat in church and I prayed, "God, I have finally come to terms that you don't want me to have a boy in my life. That that is not where I am meant to be at the moment. But, I also know that some people may never be destined to marry. And I'm scared about saying this, and I don't think I'm going to take it back, but if being single for the rest of my life is where you want me, then I will be content in that."
Ok, so at this point I start to get a little choked up, like I want to cry. Because as I have said before, I desire a relationship with a boy so much that it puts an ache in my heart. But I have to be prepared for anything. And right now, this looks like where my life is going. I have to be content to be single for as long as it takes, even if that means forever.

So if you are reading this and decide to pray for me, Pray that I will find happiness and peace in the life that I am living right now. That I will focus on today rather than tomorrow, and set my sights on eternity.

Ok, so this post may not make any sense to you, and I'm not sure if it makes sense to me, but it is what is on my heart and I just needed to share that.

- Kel

The Day Has Come!

I just got back from the Midnight Party at Barnes and Noble. I wish that I had a camera with me to document the whole ordeal. It was HILarious! I didn't think I would have such a good time.

Actulally, at first, I was wondering, "What the heck am I doing here??" Then, I started walking around and I ran into none other the AMAZING Jenna Mercer!!! Ahhh!! It was so great to sit and catch up with each other. Unfortunantly, she was not here for the book party, just taking advantage of Barnes being open late. But she is incredible, and I love her and she is such a precious friend!!!!!

So I go to sit down, and I meet three of the sweetest, cutest girls, who were most likely in highschool. The cutest was Haley. She was a doll. We saw some crazy people. Girls in prom dresses. Groups of girls and boys who were totally Goth. People with little bitty babies. (Crazies) And of course we saw some people in crazy get ups- lots of funny t-shirts like, "I'm only here for my girlfriend". All in all it was an enjoyable experience.

My "first" post

You may be wondering why I have titled this the "first" post of this blog. I had started this a while back, but all of my other posts were so negative. Nobody wants to read anything negative. Besides, I wasn't being very nice in the previous posts either, and the things that I wrote would have hurt people's feelings. A blog isn't about that. It's about sharing a part of my life with people who aren't around me enough for me to talk to them about it.

So, summer is coming to an end. I have been all sorts of places and done all sorts of things.

In May, after Junior year ended (eee!!!!), I got the opprotunity to study abroad in Switzerland for three weeks (three very long weeks). I cried a lot. I had a tough time. If I talked to you about it at all, you probably thought that I hated it. Not true. It pushed me to my limits, that's for sure. But I loved it. Next time I go so far from home, though, I would prefer to go with close friends or family, people I am comfortable venting to. People who have no problem giving out hugs. If you know anything about me at all, I think it would be that I am a person who needs an outward expression of affection. At camp one summer a counselor referred to me as "Huggy girl". That's just who I am. So going three weeks without a hug was quite a challenge.

This is the view from our room!

But I learned so much about myself! I learned that I could get lost in a city that I had never been to before and still find my way back (Oxford, thanks so much). I learned that I will NOT be teaching little bitty kids. I learned that I can climb two thousand feet up a mountain and not die. True story. But most importantly, I learned that I need no one else but the Lord. I wish that I could paint you a picture of how faithful the Lord is to us. I am the best example of that because I truly fail at meeting with him daily, sometimes even weekly. He never fails me, and I think that that was one of the most amazing parts of this trip. He was with me every step of the way. One afternoon, I sat on my porch, facing this amazing snow covered mountain, and I read through Romans 8. It was beautiful and amazing and such an encouraging moment for me!!

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

This verse seemed so fitting for my time in Switzerland. God knew the reason that I was there, even if it was different from everybody else's reasons!! He has a plan for my life, and being there made me realize how amazing it is going to be!

So I get home from Switzerland, and my summer continues. June flys be in a flash, and before you know it, Warren and Danee are married (plus Ashley and Jeff, who's wedding I couldn't be there for, but every part of me so wished that I was there!) and then two weeks later, my best friend Valerie marries her now amazing husband Jon!! Weddings are my absolute favorite things in the whole entire world, and I was SO privledged to get to go to two of them!!

Warren and Danee!!

Ashley and Jeff!!

Valerie and Jon!!!

And before you know it, June ends and July begins, and you know what that means: Summer school! Yes, yours truly attended summer school for the first summer at Texas A&M. And in 6 days, it will all be over! I am soooo glad, as this summer school buisness is just wearing me down. I am taking Pilates (which is harder than you think) and Statistics (which is just as hard, if not harder, than you think). I had my final test today in Pilates (it went amazing!) and my final for Stat is on Wednesday. Stat is less than stellar for me, as this is not my cup of tea, but I need to make a 60 on the final to pull a C in the class, which is all I need. So, yes, I am sooo excited for this class to be over. And when it is, I will officially be a senior. And boy is that a scary thought! :)

Oh, and guess what happend to me while I've been here? The house I am staying in got robbed! That's right, someone broke into our house between 1:30 and 3:30 and took the television, my roommates lap top... and my lap top. :( BUT- I got to call 911, and that was cool. And, I got a new laptop. It's red. And brand new. And now I am super protective of it.

Movies I have seen this summer:

Prince Caspian: LOVED it. OMG, I can not wait for the DVD, it was phenomenal!!

Wall-E: I think this has to be my FAV Disney/Pixar so far! I've seen it twice. So good.

Mamma Mia: Yep. Seen it twice. :) I love a good musical.

Batman: Of course. It's THE summer movie. It was good. It was loooong, and I think I'd need to see it again to really get it all. But I did like it.

On a final thought before I attempt to fall asleep to episodes of the Office, I am very pleased to announce that the world of books is blossoming as of lately! The final book in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, by Stephenie Meyer (If you have not read them, go NOW and run, yes run, to your nearest bookshop and buy them all, because once you read the first one you won't want to put it down) and I am attend the Midnight book selling at the College Station Barnes and Noble. :) Yes, this is the first time I have ever done this, and I am so excited! I also read Stephenie's newest novel, The Host, while I was in school, and it has to be one of my all time favorite books!! I adored it! She is such a great writer.

And, if you love Harry Potter, than the world has gotten a little sweeter for you as 3 amazing things are happening this year. 1) The 10th Anniversary edition of the Sorcerer's Stone will be out in September. I am UBER excited. 2) The 6th movie, The Half Blood Prince, just released their trailer for the new film and will premier in November (the best month of the year, hint hint) and 3) I can not believe it, but Scholastic and JK Rowling have paired up to publish The Tales of Beetle the Bard (as mentioned in The Deathly Hallows). It comes out in December. I could almost wet my pants I am so excited!! (Except I'm not wearing any pants right now because it is crazy hot in Texas!!)