Another year older

"Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today
You get a little bit older
A little bit taller
A little bit better
A little bit
Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today
And the days before all go too fast
You can't hold on"

This song from a new musical called "13" (go check it out, it's amazing!) really hit me hard today. Today I am 22 years old. Today I have grown up a bit. Today was probably the worst birthday I have ever had.

Tell me, how many birthdays have YOU had? And on how many of those birthdays did you get NO presents from your parents? Yep, my dad did not get me a present for my birthday. He gave me a card, which he signed. Not even an "I'm proud of you" or "I can't believe how fast the time has gone" or any of the other sentimental crap that parents put into letters. Now, my "gift" this year was to go to a musical with my dad. Honestly, that is what i ask for every year because tickets to shows are expensive. BUT I usually get something small, like a book that I've been talking about, or a box of chocolate on the actual day of my birth. SOMETHING to show that he has thought about me. And that is what really breaks my heart. I just feel like he doesn't care about today at all. I know he loves me. I know that, alright? But I just need to be reminded. That is the kind of person I am. I need to take a love languages quiz and find out.

I miss my mom today soooo much. Four other birthdays have gone by and you think that I would be used to this by now. But I'm really not. She made days like this special. She thought of everything. Or maybe I think she thought of everything. Maybe if she was here today would feel just as lame as it does now.

THIS is why I hate being home. Because it makes me feel like complete and total crap. Because I just cry all the time and I am miserable. Because when I am back "home" in College Station, I have a purpose. I have people who love me and I have people to love.

So, here's to you 22nd birthday. May you end as soon as possible.

Hard Day

For the two people that frequent this blog in hopes of getting a cheerful update, well, expect one of your two requirement fulfilled.

I am having a horrible, very hard day, aside from the fact that I am in Dallas with three of the most precious babies in existence (my niece Cadence and my other niece and nephew Campbell and Colby).



Anyways, my life is not going the way I want it to. I may not get to student teach in the spring (very unlikely, but it may happen), and if I do I am a school which will eat me for breakfast. To top it all off, I am in love, absolute LOVE with my fifth grade class semester. I cry as I type this because I realize how much I will truly, truly miss them and care for them. They are fantastic- even when I have to fuss at them. :) I know that God knows what he is doing, but I can't for the life of me figure this out. I really wish my mom was here. I needed her today. My dad is great, as always, but his "solution" to things is to just accept it and shake it off. My mom would be like, "You're right. This sucks. Let's cry about it."

And if this day just hasn't been the pits, I left my pajama pants at home and have to sleep in jeans. *sob*

WORST. DAY. IN. A. LONGGGGGGGGGG. TIME. :(