New Obsessions

Ok, I know I say that I love new things all the time- but this time I mean it!!

Ok, wondering what this is?? It's sand!! :) When the whole thing is done, it's going to be a starfish on the sand. Super cute- right?? And the best part is- I sewed it myself!! I cut out the felt, sewed on the beads and sequins (after looking it up online) and the hand sewed the sides and stuffed with a teensy bit of polyfill. Seriously, I had so much fun!!! I can't wait to do the starfish next! I have to bead it like crazy, then sew it together and then, somehow, attach it to sand without looking tacky... Hmmm....

Where did I get this idea?? Well, my mom made about 7 or 8 of them when I was little... a cute train, Pinnochio, a clown. When I was 16 (I know, I was old) she made the cutest Care Bear for my birthday, who now a permanent resident of our Christmas tree. As much as these ornaments are mine- I mean, no one else has any attachment to them- they belong on our family tree. So, I needed to make some of my own.
Here are the other ornaments I have (all store bought- but no less special!):

Ok, so, from the top: 1. HOPE (I bought this at Hobby Lobby; I just loved the manger scene and the message it sends), 2. Crazy Alligator (Ok, so I have a thing for animals... and he was so cute! In his own creepy way...), 3. JERRY BIRD!!! (Yes, this looks JUST like my parakeet, Jerry. I almost cried when I found him at World Market! The lady checking me out wanted him- but he is mine- back off Lady!), 4. The Dish Ran Away With the Spoon (Ok, if it has to do with children's lit, I am all over it!! Poetry all the way!)

So, this is just a snipet of my new collection. I have two others that didn't make it onto the blog- the word NOEL that looks like it is spelled with cookies and a CARE BEAR oranament from the 80's!! She is really cute- I will have to show her off to you later.

Now, as if Christmas ornaments weren't my only obsession- I also LOVE felt craft projects. Now that I know that I can sew pretty well, I have been looking into all kinds of felt crafts! My first project after the ornaments? These:

Felt Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!!!! And FUN!

And if I get REALLY ambittous, how about this?

Yeah- maybe another year... :)

Retirement

This is the look I gave them when they told me I can retire in 39 years... :/

New obsession

This is Sam Tsui- all of them are. He is a genius... I just love this!

Almost as much as I love the actual version from Glee. Both are genius!

A for real update

Music playing: JJ Heller's CD 'Painted Red'. I am obsessed. I will send you a copy if you want- some of you are already getting one- I'm just a slacker.

Picture: What a typical grading day looks like- pink pen (cause I have to grade in pink) and peanut butter M&M's

Ok

I have many "drafts" saved from me trying to start this entry.

I am trying to be honest with you all in the hopes that someone will understand. So, to start out honestly- I do not enjoy my job. There are days when I am happy. But overall, I am not happy. If I am being rational, I think this job came at a bad time for several reasons. 1) I have never been able to handle change well. Example 1: My mom dies and I kind of go berserk. (Ok, bad example, because anyone would, but especially me) Example 2: I start college and I have a hard time making friends. I try too hard and end up losing out on some great relationships (friends, not boys, come on people) Reason 2: I am a new teacher and as I have been told, relentlessly, "the first year is the worst"

If I am not being rational, I do not like living all by myself in a place I am unfamiliar with. I truly do not like middle schoolers- I mean, there are some sweet ones, but when you ask me if I like my kids, those babies get pushed aside for the ones that I do not like. I am the youngest professional on my campus, so I am treated as such and even the kids know how young I am. No one really respects me. Kids could care less about what I say, teachers only listen to me out of politeness.

I can not begin to describe how disheartening it is to realize that you went to college for 4 years- your parents paid for your college education for four years- and the career you chose is one that just doesn't fit with you. What else is out there for me? I have no fall back. None. I can not go through another 4 years of college- emotionally or financially- and even if I could, I have no idea what career I would go for this go 'round.

So for the rest of this year, I am stuck in a job that I groan about when I wake up in the morning. A job that I pray someone else will come in and fill for me.

Well, to quit my Debby Downer-ness, I have to make the best of a very bad situation. So what have I been doing, you ask?

Music change: I am kind of obsessed with R Kelly's Ignition (remix). I have this one version from this dude on YouTube on like permanent play... whoo... he's hot.

1) I am trying to find me a church. The Lord blessed my life 10x over Grace in CS. Seriously, I knew I would miss it, but I had no idea it was going to be like this. I miss all of my families that I was so close with. I miss the smiles, the hugs, the amazing worship/message every Sunday. I miss all my sweet 3 year olds and crazy AWANA clubbers.

So, how do you move away from that and find a church that fills you up so completly?

Answer: You try.

It's not easy. I have yet to find a place where I am really, truly accepted and comfortable. But I am not giving up... I'm just waiting for God to guide me where he needs me to be.

2) I try to help out as much as I can at school. If I am busy, I don't realize how miserable I am. The most recent help I have been doing was this past weekend: I helped out with the school play. They needed some teachers to make cameo's and walk across stage and say a few lines. Here is a pic of me in costume:

Yes. Charming, huh? We had to dress 70's. Of course, I went all out... and the kids... well, not so much. But they tried. :)

Here is a pic of one of my kids and some others in the show:

The one in the black shirt is in my 1st period. I have no idea the names of any of the other kids. But they're cute, no? For now... but they are sneaky, I tell you. Except my little boy- he's a sweetheart. Seriously. I love him.

Another little boy that I teach was in the show as well. But he's not in this picture. I will not show you him... but he's a stinker. And wears tighter jeans than I do.

3) I buy myself things. Don't laugh. But I have been getting tickets to see plays, musicals, ballets. Anything to keep myself motivated for the weekend. I saw Meet Me in St Louis the other weekend. Daddy is taking me to Mary Poppins in two weeks. Yay!! :) I also read more books than humanly possible. I lose myself in somebody else's life. (On a side note, I would go to movie's except the movie theatre is in the mall and I do not want to run into one of my kids, especially is I am going to a movie alone. Reason #12365 that it would be nice to have a boyfriend right now)

Ok, well, I made a goal that I do not think I am going to meet, so I am going to bed.

I love you sweet friends. Please continue to pray for me. I appreciate everything!

Your Hands

Val- check your mail this week. I'm sending you a gift! :)

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands

Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

OWLS

Did you know that I love owls?

I do.

Ever since I took this picture:

at Zoo Camp this summer I have been in loooove with them!! (and no, he is not winking. We actually rescued him and he only has one eye. But isn't he gorgeous?!)

This summer we even saved a baby one. My kids found it on the ground. Oh my goodness- it was so small and cute and was making these sweet noises. And I swear, it's eyes were as big as it's head. Gosh it was precious.

So yeah, I have a thing for Owls. :)

And now I have discovered Etsy.com It's getting dangerous people. This website is like the mecca of all things homemade. Type in any key word- like Owl- and you get all kinds of goodies. They have hair clips and dolls and shirts and toys and jewlery and well, just about anything.

Why do I love them? Well, you know, they're kind of shy and yet they are so smart. When they look at you, it's like they're trying to figure something out. It's wonderful.

And just because I think it's adorable, look how cute this is:

I know, it's a toucan, not an owl. I wish I knew a little girl who would love it, but my little girls are too practical. But it sure is precious!

Ok, this was random and pointless but I needed something to cheer me up because my students are sucking the life out of me! :/

LOVE to you who read the pointlessness!

Vent

I've decided that the blog is the only place that I can vent. I've been sitting here, at 9:50 in the evening, racking my brains on who I should call while I hysterically cry. I feel so lonely and alone here in Humble. I miss my close knit community of College Station. I miss the best roommate I've ever had- the one who would let me sit on her floor and just spill all my frustrations. I miss having a church full of people praying for me and pulling for me and loving on me on a daily basis. It was such a beautiful thing that has gone away so quickly.

I almost didn't notice it this summer. This summer I was full of distraction. I had a fabulous job that I loved. I was living at home. It felt like I would just pack up and go back to college in a few months. But all of sudden things started to change. In a few days, I signed a contract, got an apartment, started setting up insurance, got a new credit card, changed the address on my drivers licence. There is no turning back when you get something as permanent as a new address.

And then came the job. All in a rush, I had a million things to do. I am teaching 5 classes of 8th graders- roughly about 140 kids. I have to plan lessons- and teach those same lessons. I have to command 30 kids attention for 55 minutes. I have yet to do it once successfully. I feel like such a failure at the end of the day. What are my kids really learning? Why did I choose a job that makes me so unhappy? I thought I would love teaching. I did. There are moments when I still do. But I am too nice to do what I do. They keep telling me to "toughen up. Lay down the law. You need to get tougher." And I look at them and honestly say- "I AM being tough." This is as tough as it gets. And then, when that toughness is worn down, I yell. Or I snap. And suddenly I am not the same person. I am completely different. I hate who I become. I hurt their feelings. I embarress myself. So many times throughout the day I want to put my head down and just cry. I am miserable. I do not want to do this anymore.

So here I sit. In a new apartment. Getting ready to go to sleep so that I can face another day. About to have a panic attack because I can think of nothing to do with them on Friday. Ready to hide in my room and never come out.

I want to be happy again. I need a hug so badly. I need someone to tell me that they love me. I need a new job. I need to stop crying so that I can get some sleep.

I miss this little boy:

I miss this girl:

I miss this place:

I want God to tell me why I am here. And not there. And not with them.

Why is it so hard for me to accept that this is my life?

I want to be a different person and somewhere else.

I am so tired... so tired.

The Naked Classroom

I am sitting in my newly aquired classroom staring at the blank walls. There is nothing sadder than stark white walls and nothing else. It's sad- pathetically sad- that I have nothing to hang on them.

I have no classroom rules. I have no procedures. I have no posters. I have no pictures. I have no student work (I guess because I have no students). I sigh from the boredom of it all.

I am scared. No, more than scared, I am petrified. What are my kids going to think when they walk into my classroom and see that it is empty? What will I do when 25 pairs of eyes turn to stare at me and look to me for guidance and direction? What's going to happen when I get to a point in my lesson where I am just stuck? I have no answer to a students question. No one to look to to pull out a sheet and go, here ya go... just read it off of here!

... what were they thinking sending me into a classroom at 22 years old? I am only 9 years older than most of my kids... I was 9 years old when they were born. Did God look at me, a pathetic nine year old with badly cut hair and messed up teeth and an attention seeking disposition and go, "Ah... Kelly. I think there are some children that are going to be born this year that I think you should teach when you get older. I think this suits you so well."
Umm... really God?? Because I don't feel well suited. I feel terrified! I'm not ready for this! I'm not ready to be a teacher or to grow up. Maybe I should go for a masters degree or a second major. Any excuse for me to stay in college.

I feel as naked as my classroom. I am vulnerable to everything. I'm waiting for someone to bring me that first day of school outfit. To say ok, here are points A B and C... now make sure you have those covered and you will be fine.

... ok, whatever you say.

Day 5: Did I mention...

Did I mention that Emily Greeson turned 21 on Thursday?! We went out and celebrated with friends at Gringos! It was too fun!

Day 5 of 365

Day 5 is always the most bittersweet because camp is over, but you may never see these sweet kiddos again. :( This was especially sad for me because this was my last day of Camp Zoofari 2009!!! I was sad to leave all my new friends, but happy to see these crazy kiddos!!

Interns Annie and Brenda with Mars, one of our baby alligators!

Carousel is always a highlight of the week!

Otters are some pretty cute animals, I must say!

I LOVE these kids!

I'm going to miss everybody at the zoo!!!!

Day 4 of 365

Thursday went by and it was wonderful. Lots of things happened. Here are my favorite moments of the day!

We saw this AMAZING cheetah presentation!! It was so cool!

His name was Kito... and he was precious!

We visited Oranguatans and met Doc

And Solaris, our baby

Then I drove to my interview in this nasty rain

And this is how I felt when the interview was over

And then God gave me this faint, but beautiful, rainbow to remind me of all of his promises!

Day 3 of 365

I stink at all of this updating... but a LOT of exciting things have been happening.... I will let you know about it all in a few posts. Here are some pics from Wednesday:

Some of my sweet girls

Watching the Elephant Bath

The cousins... I loved them!

The bunny was the most exciting animal the kids saw all day- according to them :)

Astro the baby sea lion!

Day 2 of 365: Camp and Astros

My crazy and sweet kiddos

A Blue Roller eating mealworms at a feeding at the Tropical Bird House

Lots of sweet friends at work

Hunter Pence sliding into home at the 'Stros game! We won 11 to 6!

Daddy and I! :) Love him!

Project 365

So, blogger friends, in honor of my amazing camera that I got as a graduation present and now can't live without! I mean, I take it everywhere and it is soooo amazing! :)

Anyways, I decided, since I take so many pictures that I am going to implement Project 365... I will post a picture every day that I take. It could be anything. You'll have to tune in to find out! I have a few favs from today that I will leave you with. Yes, they're of the zoo. That's all I'm doing right now, what do you expect?! :)

Embarrassing....

I am embarrassed. *blush*

I sent an e-mail to a boy. Bad idea. Regretted it the moment I sent it. But sent it anyway.

Sent said e-mail about 2 weeks ago. Had dreams of falling in love with said boy.

Way too into this, Kel. I mean, he's cute, but do you really want to marry him already? Do you even know his middle name?!

Never recieved response back. *sigh* Resigned to the fact that he read it and forgot. Moved on.

Cute boy came back to work yesterday. Too embarrassed to talk to him because of silly e-mail. Oogled from afar... Sooooooo cute...

Today, 5:45... recieved reply e-mail from boy, who I have seen at work for two days... guess he only checks his e-mail every two weeks, while I check mine every 2 hours.

Too embarrassed to read e-mail. But need to read it because I will see him tomorrow... wish I had an Ipod that I could hide behind tomorrow... thinking of calling in sick...

Can't... read... e-mail...

Embarrassed

Ouch!!

I fought a rosh bush...

.... the rose bush won. :/

Seperate Ways

Oh my goodness...

I just found out that the girl who was my best friend for years is having a baby. As my dad asked, "As in not-married-pregnant?!" Yes. Exactly that.

I am in shock. I am sad. We were so alike. In every way. I could tell her everything. I loved her so much. I still do.

I just wonder... how did things go so south? How did I end up the way I am and she end up the way she is? How blessed am I?! I have a father who supports me in every way, a college degree from an incredible university, amazing, wonderful and healthy friendships, a fantastic summer job and *hopefully* a real job on the way. I have Jesus in my life, guiding me and teaching me every day of the week, whether I know it or not.

This girl and I parted ways in high school and I have seen her twice since then- once when my mother died and then again at her brothers wedding. My heart breaks for her. Please keep her in your prayers. Thank you for being such incredible people in my life, who keep me grounded, who keep my focus on the Lord, who hold my hand instead of pointing me to the next "quick fix" aka boys, drugs, you get it. I love you guys so much!!

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

- Road Not Taken, Robert Frost

Reasons to stay in this Summer

I am all for hanging out with people this summer, don't get me wrong. But, with my current track record of friendships in the summertime, I am better at being an e-friend than a let's-go-shopping-and-to-the-movies-and-spend-all-of-our-time-together kind of friend. Ooops.

Well, I have already started my summer obsession: So You Think You Can Dance. Ahh!!! It is SO absolutely fantastic. Where do they come from?! It makes me wish I could dance that. My favorites already are Gabi (who dances like a bird- she is beautiful!), Brandon and Natalie (who are both stellar! They were so close to being on the show last year!! I have always loved Natalie), and I really, really likes Elias (Who, even though he got cut, was a fantastic dancer! I wish they could have put him through).

Soooo, I will be dance updating a ton this summer! It is my favorite show. :)

But, there is so much more to look forward to!! A new summer show on NBC called Merlin dubuting in June. Oooo!! I think I am going to love this one. So my style.

A new Disney Channel Original Movie in June staring Demi and Selena of Disney Channel fame (and who I personally adore for their amazing poise, proffesionalism and Jesus loving attitude) called Princess Protection Program. Wow. Lot's of P's! It looks precious :) and I am looking forward to seeing it.

Degrassi's Summer "Movie" AKA 4 episodes all smushed together to make a "movie". Oh my!! Watch the trailer. Salivate with me!

And, of course, what would summer be without a new ABC family original drama?! Make it or Break It premiers in June as well and is about a bunch of gymnasts training to be Olympiads or something fun like that. Juicy, no?
Wait... 10 Things I Hate About You is going to be a TV show in July?! Oo! Looks exciting!

Ok. That's my obessesive-I-Have-No-Life TV blog. :)

Glee

I'm addicted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glee is a new show starting up on Fox this fall, but they showed the pilot episode early last night after the Idol finale. Whoo!! It blew me away! It's about a glee club at a high school. It has lots of Broadway stars (Lea Michele, Matthew Morrison, Jenna Ushkowitz) and Heroes stars (Claire's real mom (the one with fire powers!), the long lost Charlie, and that witchy cheerleader that always hated Claire). Goooood times.

Curious? Here are two clips for ya:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFaSgUMWo_Y

- Don't Stop Believing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp4Lmc5wLaQ

- the auditions

In the auditions, Rachel Berry is played by Lea Michele. You may remember my obsessive post back in January about the show that I am obsessed with- Spring Awakening. Yes, Lea originated the role of Wendela in the Original Broadway cast. Here's another tasty clip of her for you to feast your eyes on-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaxgsiF8-cg&feature=related

- This is a song from the end of the show called Those You've Known... I don't think it's going to ruin it for you. Just watch it- and love it! And then watch the other 300 videos of her on YouTube. I swear, this chick rocks my socks off. :)

And, if you love all of these Broadway style kiddos, check out Adam Lambert when he played Fiyero in the LA Cast of Wicked-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u4PwAR2Nus

Whoo! oooh! I looooooove it! Yes, this boy needs to do Broadway. Put him in Wicked on Broadway!!!! I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Ok, have you enjoyed all these videos? I have!! I have too much time on my hands. I need to start my job!!

Waiting

From 'Oh the Places You'll Go' by Dr. Seuss

You can get so confused

that you’ll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come,

or a plane to go

or the mail to come,

or the rain to go

or the phone to ring,

or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or a No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

Cinco Ranch

This is the school I interviewed at today. No, this is not "today". Someone else took this photo.

But, I think this is an excellent picture of how I felt as I left my interview.

It went sooooo well! So well, in fact, that I don't even care if I get the job (though I really want it!). I have never felt like I presented myself as well, or been more true to myself. I was in an a room with 8 other people... 2 principals and 6 teachers, and I guess you could say that I charmed the pants off of them. :) I smiled, laughed, made little jokes and, I think, made an impression. Even if I don't get it, I know that I did my absolute best.

On a side note, as I was coming into the interview, I met one of the AP's, who was at the Katy Job Fair. I maybe talked to her for 15... 20 minutes when I was there. They didn't have a position for a language arts at the time, but one for social studies and we talked a bit about that. I remember her mentioning my Aggie ring. Well, I guess she remembered me more than I thought. She told me that when she saw that a 7th grade language arts position had opened up, she told them- "I remember a girl that I met at the job fair. Let's call her in!" :) Yes, 3 weeks later and apparently I have still made an impression on people. :)

I am pretty proud of myself and how well I did. I'll let you know how it goes! Thank you for all the sweet e-mails and prayers! :) Love you!

Updation

Ok- an update

1) Today is Mother's Day. I miss my mom. :( BUT- she is having the best mothers day party EVER with some pretty awesome mom's up in heaven... so I can't be too sad. :)

2) I want to stay in College Station forever! I really love the community that I have found here. Their love, support, friendship, hugs- everything has just been so wonderful! I spent my last day of nursery care getting lots of hugs, kisses and giggles, cleaning a poopy diaper (of course!), rejoicing over big boy underwear, fingerpainting flowers for mothers day, dishing out animal crackers and goldfish and taking lots of pictures. :) I just LOVE these precious children and I can not wait to share them with you soon. I will post them on facebook when I get around to finding my camera cord...

3) Graduation is right around the corner. WOW. I feel like I just finished fish camp... and now I'm graduating?!?!?! It just doesn't feel real. And I found a graduation dress from JC Penney that I LOVE. Seriously. I am so thankful for my wonderful aunt who traveled with me to find it. She's the one that pulled it out and it is seriously precious. :)

4) I have a new TV show that I am into... and it is DORKY! It's called Legend of the Seeker... imagine a mix of Lord of the Rings and Princess Bride and Robin Hood or King Arthur (maybe?). I found it online (of all places), on the best website EVER- Hulu. I am obsessed. I watched all 19 episodes and am anticipating the final ones to come. The acting isn't brilliant. I know. BUT- the story line intrigues me. And the lead boy is cute. :) It's also based on a HUGE Sci Fi book series by Terry Goodkind called The Sword of Truth series. I just bought the first one from Half Price... and it's like 900 pages long... I'm not kidding. What have I gotten myself into?! lol

5) My body is infected with some itchy rash. I actually think it's a combo of really bad razor burn, dry skin and an irritation to sleeping with sheets again... I just sleep with a blanket on me now, for some reason. Regardless, my legs itch like crazy. But I love baby lotion, so I've been lathering up and I smell good and lavender-y now. :)

6) Everytime I hear a police siren, I think the police are coming to arrest me for using Limewire to download music... guilty conscience? Yes. Will I delete my music? No??

7) I can't wait to start working at the zoo every morning! I love my favorite place in the whole world! I really do!

8) It warms my heart when mothers at church tell me that their children pray for "Ms. Kelly" every night. Aww! Thank you so much! I also found out that one of my AWANA girls prays for me and my husband on a weekly basis. 11 years old... and amazing in so many ways!! How I love them all!

Ok... good update? I dunno... but I thought one was appropriate! :)