Pure

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all i need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything.

I run to you
My heart is weak
I cling to you
Your all i see
It's my hearts desire
To be close to you
Here in your arms
I'll find my strength.

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all i need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything.

I run to you
My heart is weak
I cling to you
Your all i see
It's my hearts desire
To be close to you
Here in your arms
I'll find my strength

Regression

I have regressed

I am ashamed

I have pulled and pulled my hair out these past few weeks... all the hard work I have done to grow it back, and I have pulled all of it out. I now have a bald patch on my head the size of a half dollar (at least that's what it looks like to me)

And the thing is... I don't know why

Why?! I have no good reason. I am not in mourning for my dead mother. I am not overly stressed. For God's sake, school hasn't even started yet. Yet I find myself needing to pull... craving the pain

I need help. I need you God. I need to know the reasons I keep massacring myself. I need a good reason. I need to stop. I need to cry.

HELP

I don't want to hurt myself anymore... but I can't stop. Help me...

All That's Known

http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Video.aspx?ci=569822

This is a video of the newest cast member of the most AMAZING show on Broadway right now called Spring Awakening. It's a very grown-up show, so unless you understand theatre and can appreciate the art, I don't know if you would really like it. The tour is coming to Houston in January, and I am buying myself a ticket when tickets come out, which I think is sometime in September. I do not want to go alone, but I can't find anyone to go with me, so this will be the first show I see solo. And I know I am going to LOVE every minute of it.

If you like this clip, and you want to hear more, just YouTube the show and LOTS of things will pop up. Lots of GOOD things. Or, I can make you a copy of the soundtrack. Or, you could say, 'Hey Kelly, I think I want to see it with you, and I am willing to pay for my own ticket because I know that you are not in your job for the money and that money is scarce for you right now and this is the only show that you have ever bought yourself a ticket for so you are going to buy one of the best seats so if I want to go with you I will have pay top dollar to see something that is this amazing and I won't be disappointed because you have excellent taste".

So yes. Please. Become obsessed with all things Spring Awakening. And I warned you hear first- it's a mature show. But I love it anyways. :)

Old Memories Revisited

Do you know what i love?? YouTube. It is such a fantastic site, and I have relived some extremly happy memories!! :)

Here is one for your viewing pleasure. Please tell me you remember this one, and that you loved it as much as I did!! If you enjoy it, follow it up with the rest of the episodes!! I will be ordering it on DVD soon, that's how much I love it. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U56JVk_I0w&feature=related

:)

Holy Cow

I know... I don't want to talk about it... unreal.

Over the River and Through the Woods

I have meant to update this blog with some great bits of home trivia. But a lot has happened recently, and so I have been a little bitty bit preoccupied.

Right now I am in Lake Jackson (about an hour from Sugar Land) visiting with my grandparents. I'm only staying til tomorrow afternoon, but it has just occured to me that they may not know that. :/ So, after dinner I will drop the bomb... they hate it when I leave. I know it's because I'm the only link they have left of my mom. They miss her more than I do, I think. Sometimes. I miss her a lot, though.

Anyways, at least they feed me good. Grandma hasn't made any cracks about my weight yet, though I may be speaking too soon. She loves to tell me how "pudgy" I've gotten. I'll admit, I'm not a size 4 anymore, but then again, most people told me I looked too skinny to begin with. I have tried to lose some weight, to get back to my former glory days of high school. But, that hasn't gone so well.

An update to the last post- I did fine on my final exam. Surprisingly. It scared me because I really saw the finality of a final exam. There was no more room for error. You either made it or you didn't. I needed a 60 to make a 69.7 in the class, which I was assured by many people would be curved to a C. And guess what? I made EXACTLY a 60. Pretty scary. My dad isn't sure it's going to be enough. I just role my eyes at him. He can be so pessimistic sometimes. My grandpa says that it's not the grade that matters, just that you pass the class. In this case, he is exactly right. But, final grades will be posted sometime next week, so unitl then I have to sit here with my stomach full of knots, waiting for my results.

And as long as we are updating- remember my post on singleness? Well, if you couldn't tell, since I posted it, it had been on mind a lot. So Tuesday night I completely lost it. I cried more than I have ever cried before. Over a BOY. A boy that I haven't even met yet. A boy that I don't even know for sure exists!! It was a scary thing for me. But I do have such wonderful friends! Hannah, for letting me explode all over the phone. I love you Hannah-bell! And Jamie and Emily, who sat with me for over an hour pulling out scriptures and hugging me and reassuring me. We even stopped studying stat- not that that was difficult. I am now no longer an emotional wreak, but then again I haven't really talked seriously about it to anyone yet, so I don't know how I'm really feeling.

I feel like I always think about my old friends whenever I come back to Sugar Land. I wonder how they are doing and what their lives are like. I wonder if they've changed at all. I wonder if they ever think about me, when I feel like I think about them all the time. (By the way, I just typed that sentence withOUT looking at the keys!! YAY!) I miss high school sometimes. I get nostalgic for it. It was so easy. And stress free. It was one of the best times of my life, looking back on it now.

So, with that, I bid you farewell from Lake Jackson, the land of enchantment (their saying, not mine). I will be back, as a LOT is happening this coming week. Trips to the zoo, packing for school, visiting Ryan and the gang in Dallas (yay twins!). Sooooo. Yeah. Exciting.

I love you oh faithful blog reader, who rejoices with me in triumphs and cries with me in my sorrows. You know who you are. And I love you. A lot. :)

I have a test in 1 hour and 40 minutes

I want to throw up all over myself...

That would make me feel better.

I am horrible at statistics.

I am horrible at studying.

I feel like my life is depending on today (even though it's not)

I am emotional. I have crying about everything for the past 2 days...

I will write more when I'm not such a nut job

Being single

I feel like this is a long time coming sort of entry, but I wanted to kind of express the things that have been going through my mind these past few days. As you know based on my last post, I got a new book that I have just devoured in the past few days. I can not describe it to you, as it entirely too complex and my hope is that you will want to read it for yourself, but I will say that this last book got me thinking about relationships a lot. About what it means to be in a relationship, about what love is and about what it means to be in love. I know that this is ridiculous, that this book of fiction, that had no semblance towards the life that we lead what so ever could make me feel this way.
But I was sitting in church on Sunday and it just kind of hit me all of a sudden. It's like, I'm supposed to want all of this. It's a natural feeling. It's normal to feel fluttery when reading about love, about the way a boy wraps his arms a girl, about a kiss and so on... you get what I'm talking about. I realized that it's ok to want these things. But I can not will them to happen. I can't force love into my life. That's not how it works. In books, for example, the girl never goes looking for love... it simply finds her. It's creeps into her life, unsuspecting, and knocks her off her feet. Just like that.

But my life isn't a book, and I do realize that. I know that God has picked out a plan for my life- he has given me the option of different paths to choose, and I have made this choice.

So I sat in church and I prayed, "God, I have finally come to terms that you don't want me to have a boy in my life. That that is not where I am meant to be at the moment. But, I also know that some people may never be destined to marry. And I'm scared about saying this, and I don't think I'm going to take it back, but if being single for the rest of my life is where you want me, then I will be content in that."
Ok, so at this point I start to get a little choked up, like I want to cry. Because as I have said before, I desire a relationship with a boy so much that it puts an ache in my heart. But I have to be prepared for anything. And right now, this looks like where my life is going. I have to be content to be single for as long as it takes, even if that means forever.

So if you are reading this and decide to pray for me, Pray that I will find happiness and peace in the life that I am living right now. That I will focus on today rather than tomorrow, and set my sights on eternity.

Ok, so this post may not make any sense to you, and I'm not sure if it makes sense to me, but it is what is on my heart and I just needed to share that.

- Kel

The Day Has Come!

I just got back from the Midnight Party at Barnes and Noble. I wish that I had a camera with me to document the whole ordeal. It was HILarious! I didn't think I would have such a good time.

Actulally, at first, I was wondering, "What the heck am I doing here??" Then, I started walking around and I ran into none other the AMAZING Jenna Mercer!!! Ahhh!! It was so great to sit and catch up with each other. Unfortunantly, she was not here for the book party, just taking advantage of Barnes being open late. But she is incredible, and I love her and she is such a precious friend!!!!!

So I go to sit down, and I meet three of the sweetest, cutest girls, who were most likely in highschool. The cutest was Haley. She was a doll. We saw some crazy people. Girls in prom dresses. Groups of girls and boys who were totally Goth. People with little bitty babies. (Crazies) And of course we saw some people in crazy get ups- lots of funny t-shirts like, "I'm only here for my girlfriend". All in all it was an enjoyable experience.